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他是一个智力中上身材中下其貌不扬目光锐利的湖南人。他出生,他成长,他做事,他老去,他死了。
有人说他是圣贤,有人说他是魔鬼。更多的人说,不管是圣贤还是魔鬼,我们都要努力学习他的本领。有趣的是,他不认为自己有什么本领,尤其在晚年,他说自己毫无本领。当然,这么说有自谦的成分,甚至可以说,他过谦近伪。
他一生最恨伪字。于己要诚,对人要敬,是他的信条。然而,很多时候,他都未能说出真实的想法。羽翼他的老大被罢免,他不敢为之辩护,老大死後多年,他才去低调的探望遗属,留下一笔钱。支持他的朋友被杀害,他不敢为之辩护,朋友死後多年,他才在私人谈话中慨叹世间没有真是非。他生活的时代,有至高无上的天子,有蝇营狗苟的万民,他常说,要忠君,要爱民。当天子受到强敌的威胁,他婉拒了勤王的建议;当无辜的国民被绑入刑场,他叹气,他摇首,他将他们送上绞架。
不是因为怕死才违背自己的信条。他不怕死。他对天子发动人身攻击,他义无反顾参与残酷的内战,他有三次自杀的纪录。他发现,个体的力量实在渺小,仅仅不怕死,并不能解决复杂的问题。他相信世间有超越生死的道路,他就走在路上。他知道人皆有死,然而,死亡不是一个句号,死亡是一个冒号。
他会说些什么呢,在冒号之後?也许该拣不会的先说,再说他会的。
那么,他不会相法,因为他经常看走眼;他不会军事,因为最出色的将军都不遵从他的定制,自己指挥作战则一败涂地;他也不会处理人际关系,因为最要好的朋友都跟他翻过脸,有的人最终原谅他,有的人至死责怪他。他一生的事业,就建立在知人与善战的基础上,如果二者都不是他所擅长的事,那么,他会什么?
他会发现他不会的事情。
他曾是十七至十九世纪湖南省最年轻的副部级官员,熟悉帝国法律的运行机制,也知道使用道德规范修正法律漏洞的巧妙手段,但他不能测知这个礼法社会的弹性究竟有多大。他是十九世纪中国内战的胜利者代表,深切感受中央集权与地方自治之间的永恒张力,并亲身参与权力重新分配的制度设计,但是他对鸦片战争以降的中西变局仍然深感迷惑。他是保守主义谢幕演出的领衔主演,终结了传统中国士大夫追求三不朽的历史,却不能开出一条万世太平的新道路。
没有谁用这些超历史超经验的难题指责他。在很长一段时间内,他是自己为难自己。他不认为社会风气的转善会自然形成,他相信个体的道德高标更有实际影响力,于是,他戒晏起,戒烟,戒围棋,戒奢侈,戒好好色,戒妄语佞语,戒官派,戒智力优越感,一直要戒到鸢飞鱼跃活泼泼的名教乐地。他克服非我族类其心必异的狭隘民族主义情感,教导弟子在中西往来之际以诚待人,不要开痞腔。但是,他失败了。他没能影响身边的国人,也没能砥住外国的侵凌。他的国家,不可遏制的衰败,终至灭亡。他的国民,很多年来仅将他视作一尊褪色的神像,有时侮弄,有时又神经质般的崇拜。他意识到,他真正去做的都是他不会的事情。如作草鞋,边打边像。因此,他的遗言是:不信书,信运气。但这不是作为死亡的冒号之後的话。他死了,冒号之後的发言权,不在他,在所有後他而死的人。
他是曾国藩。
按:这副对联拍价四十万,我看着仍有点怀疑。当然,我不懂书法,瞎猜而已。
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